The Tool Box is designed for those who are ready to ACT. It is being progressively populated with articles and simple tools that you can use; tools that will get you some pretty amazing results. Many of them are NLP techniques; some are things I have created myself, and others are ones I have borrowed (acknowledged of course). Some of them you can do on your own, others will require at least one or two friends to assist you.
Of course, like all activities that require doing - the art is in the doing. I have kept the activities as simple as I possibly can. So, if you find you are not quite "getting it" let me know and I'll see what I can do.
Occasionally I reference some of the tools with the following recommendation: read the article on ..... In these cases you will find two links to the article; one will be a direct link within the actual text; the other will always be found at the top of this page as a Tab Link (just above that red toolbox). When I do this it is because the tool comes with a background of information that is always important to know.
Oh! Just in case you are not familiar with the Accordion effect, all you need to do is click on the heading (below) you want and the accordion will magically open for you.
Reframing - using the ABCDE Method
I recommend that you read the article on Reframing (Reframing tab above) before you try this strategy out (I have borrowed this strategy from Martin E.P. Seligman - Authentic Happiness). And when you return I suggest you use this strategy for the the next week on at least 5-6 bad experiences. They don't have to be really bad ones, just ones that leave you feeling negative.
First things first. First you need to be able to recognise and then challenge negative feelings. You can do this by applying the ABCDE Method. I will use an example so that you can see how it works. The example I am going to use will be immediately recognisable to anyone who has ever gone on a diet and "blown it"
A = Adversity. I just met up with some friends for coffee and they ordered cake. I could have said no, but I didn't. I ate a whole piece of chocolate mud cake. (which leads to a negative set of beliefs).......
B = Belief. Oh no! That's it; it's all gone to s**t - again. I am hopeless! I can't do this diet. I'm a loser and that is all there is to it. I might as well go back to my normal eating behaviour. (I have developed a limiting belief by seeing my experience through a Failure Frame)
C = Consequence. I feel very down; hopeless; helpless to control my urges. I just don't think I have got what it takes to do this. I might as well accept that I am destined to be fat for the remainder of my life and just get used to it.
D = Disputation. Hold on! Maybe I am being a bit tough on myself here. Why don't I just take a deep breath and do a quick calculation on that piece of cake. Gee, it is probably only going to push me over the calorie limit for the day, and only by a very small amount. In the grand scheme of things it will not set me back - at all. It is one day only out of the rest of my life. I need to stop talking to myself like that. After all, if someone else said that to me I would definitely challenge them. If I stop now and focus on where I want to be in three months time I will soon put this meal into a more positive context. (Now I am speaking from a Feedback Frame).
E = Energise. Gee! I am now starting to feel better about myself and that is giving me the energy to get back on the horse and ride my way to success. Funny thing positive talk; it gives you energy and energy gives you more positivity and that gives you more energy .....
As always, the understanding is in the doing. So, if you want this to succeed then you will have to take action .... today.
Good Luck and let me know how you go.
For more information and some great interactive material please visit the Positive Psychology web site.
First things first. First you need to be able to recognise and then challenge negative feelings. You can do this by applying the ABCDE Method. I will use an example so that you can see how it works. The example I am going to use will be immediately recognisable to anyone who has ever gone on a diet and "blown it"
A = Adversity. I just met up with some friends for coffee and they ordered cake. I could have said no, but I didn't. I ate a whole piece of chocolate mud cake. (which leads to a negative set of beliefs).......
B = Belief. Oh no! That's it; it's all gone to s**t - again. I am hopeless! I can't do this diet. I'm a loser and that is all there is to it. I might as well go back to my normal eating behaviour. (I have developed a limiting belief by seeing my experience through a Failure Frame)
C = Consequence. I feel very down; hopeless; helpless to control my urges. I just don't think I have got what it takes to do this. I might as well accept that I am destined to be fat for the remainder of my life and just get used to it.
D = Disputation. Hold on! Maybe I am being a bit tough on myself here. Why don't I just take a deep breath and do a quick calculation on that piece of cake. Gee, it is probably only going to push me over the calorie limit for the day, and only by a very small amount. In the grand scheme of things it will not set me back - at all. It is one day only out of the rest of my life. I need to stop talking to myself like that. After all, if someone else said that to me I would definitely challenge them. If I stop now and focus on where I want to be in three months time I will soon put this meal into a more positive context. (Now I am speaking from a Feedback Frame).
E = Energise. Gee! I am now starting to feel better about myself and that is giving me the energy to get back on the horse and ride my way to success. Funny thing positive talk; it gives you energy and energy gives you more positivity and that gives you more energy .....
As always, the understanding is in the doing. So, if you want this to succeed then you will have to take action .... today.
Good Luck and let me know how you go.
For more information and some great interactive material please visit the Positive Psychology web site.
Smart Goals
The S.M.A.R.T. Way to Set Goals
Goal setting is the royal road to success. Those who do not set goals, do not succeed; it really is that simple. If you take a little time and set them well, the likelihood of success is far greater. Of course, you must act upon them too - that is a critical step too. Below is a simplified version of the NLP method of goal setting. It works and it will ensure that you take care of all the essential parameters.
This is how it works.
S ….. is for simple and specific.
If you want to succeed keep it simple (remember the KISS principle?). The more complex you make it, the more you have to remember; the more you need to do, the more you need to focus on the minor details; and so on. If it is simple then you can recall it without recourse to a notebook. For example, one of my goals for 2010 is to improve my health and wellness.
The goal also needs to be quite specific. So, using the example above, I modified my goal to read, ‘to lower my Biological Age to 40’. Whilst this might not mean much to you I know what the indicators are of a BA of 40; so for me this is very specific.
If your goal for 2010 was to reduce your weight then make it specific by asking yourself the following (useful) questions:
What weight exactly will I be when I reach my goal weight?
When I look in the mirror what will I see?
What will I hear people say to me?
How will I feel?
In response to these questions I would advise that you write them out in as much detail as you can. Return to your notes - often - to give yourself some more motivation.
M ….. is for measurable and meaningful
Using the above example, you need to establish a number of measures you can use to gauge your progress. For example, you might take you waist, chest, leg and arm measurements. You might even Take a photo or video of yourself.
This data will give you positive feedback (there is no failure - only feedback). This is very important when it comes to gauging your progress. Of course it all needs to be meaningful for you. Whatever you use as a measuring stick make sure it is meaningful. Measurement without meaning is just scribble on paper.
A ….. is for ‘act as if’ and make it achievable
Act as if is a very important thing to do. You need to see, hear and feel what it is like to have succeeded. This step involves using your imagination. If you find this challenging - remember what it was like when you were a child. It is very important to do this, and the more you practice it - the better. I would even recommend that you set this step in motion even if you don’t plan to make a start in the near future.
You can always use a model as your mentor. It can be someone you know, a person you admire, or even a fictional character from your favourite novel or movie. it doesn’t matter - a model is a model and if they work for you then use them.
Of course setting unachievable goals is only going to lead to tears. So be honest with yourself. if you want to be 50kg and the experts say your frame is best at 60kg then you need to do some thinking about what is possible and what is healthy.
At all times, your goal must be totally (and I mean totally) under your control. Don’t set goals that require someone else to do something, or for some event to occur. Another thing to watch for is the inner voice; that little person inside who doesn’t want to make the change. I you don’t have them on side then you are doomed.
The voice I refer to is the one who says, “if I remain fat then I won’t have to fend of unwanted admirers”; “If I don’t stick my head up then it won’t get kicked”. Sometimes we have the strangest of reasons (albeit unconscious) for not making the changes we would (consciously) like to make. Take the time to accommodate these thoughts and objections form your unconscious, for the person who does not honour their unconscious is destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
R ….. is for realistic (within an ecological framework)
It is amazing how many people I have worked with who have totally unrealistic goals. For example, I recently saw someone who wanted to lose 50 kgs in 12 weeks. These things might be possible, but the consequences could be disastrous for your health. It is all about balance and knowing what’s realistic.
In NLP we make a big thing about doing things ecologically. By this I mean you need to consider the consequences of what you do, and the impact it will have on others. It doesn’t mean that you do not go for it, but you do need to weigh it up. Consider those around you and how they will be affected by your goal. If you think they might be harmed in some way,then you are going t ned to do some soul searching. However, we cannot always know what is in the future. Sometimes s..t happens, but if you think things through carefully then this is less likely.
One example I can think of is a recent client, whose partner felt threatened by my client’s weight loss. As long as she was fat he delft secure; once she began losing weight he became insecure - not that he had anything to be insecure about. These are some of the issue s that arise and you need to consider them.
T ….. is for time limit - and make it a 'towards' goal
The very worst thing you can do is a set a goal with an open time frame; it simply won’t happen. So be ruthless and an set a realistic time frame. If you can’t then I suggest you need to go back to the drawing board.
Achieving goals is much more easily done if they are toward goals, as opposed to away from goals. Why? Simple really, we humans are much more motivated when we have a goal to move towards (remember when you were a kid and your mother promised you ice-cream if you ate our veggies).
The real problem of moving away form something is that you have to spend a great deal of your time and energy thinking about what it is you need to move away from. For example, if you plan to stop smoking you will need to think about the act of smoking in order to stop smoking - a double bind if ever I saw one.
... Or, you go on a diet. Diets mean spending time thinking about the food you have to go without. This is not a good idea. Wouldn’t it be better to move towards a new body with lots of energy; trim and sexy?
So, time to hang up the phone - the conversation is over - it is time to ACT.
Of course, if you need support, I am only a phone call away. Remember, 2010 is your year - so go for it!
Goal setting is the royal road to success. Those who do not set goals, do not succeed; it really is that simple. If you take a little time and set them well, the likelihood of success is far greater. Of course, you must act upon them too - that is a critical step too. Below is a simplified version of the NLP method of goal setting. It works and it will ensure that you take care of all the essential parameters.
This is how it works.
S ….. is for simple and specific.
If you want to succeed keep it simple (remember the KISS principle?). The more complex you make it, the more you have to remember; the more you need to do, the more you need to focus on the minor details; and so on. If it is simple then you can recall it without recourse to a notebook. For example, one of my goals for 2010 is to improve my health and wellness.
The goal also needs to be quite specific. So, using the example above, I modified my goal to read, ‘to lower my Biological Age to 40’. Whilst this might not mean much to you I know what the indicators are of a BA of 40; so for me this is very specific.
If your goal for 2010 was to reduce your weight then make it specific by asking yourself the following (useful) questions:
What weight exactly will I be when I reach my goal weight?
When I look in the mirror what will I see?
What will I hear people say to me?
How will I feel?
In response to these questions I would advise that you write them out in as much detail as you can. Return to your notes - often - to give yourself some more motivation.
M ….. is for measurable and meaningful
Using the above example, you need to establish a number of measures you can use to gauge your progress. For example, you might take you waist, chest, leg and arm measurements. You might even Take a photo or video of yourself.
This data will give you positive feedback (there is no failure - only feedback). This is very important when it comes to gauging your progress. Of course it all needs to be meaningful for you. Whatever you use as a measuring stick make sure it is meaningful. Measurement without meaning is just scribble on paper.
A ….. is for ‘act as if’ and make it achievable
Act as if is a very important thing to do. You need to see, hear and feel what it is like to have succeeded. This step involves using your imagination. If you find this challenging - remember what it was like when you were a child. It is very important to do this, and the more you practice it - the better. I would even recommend that you set this step in motion even if you don’t plan to make a start in the near future.
You can always use a model as your mentor. It can be someone you know, a person you admire, or even a fictional character from your favourite novel or movie. it doesn’t matter - a model is a model and if they work for you then use them.
Of course setting unachievable goals is only going to lead to tears. So be honest with yourself. if you want to be 50kg and the experts say your frame is best at 60kg then you need to do some thinking about what is possible and what is healthy.
At all times, your goal must be totally (and I mean totally) under your control. Don’t set goals that require someone else to do something, or for some event to occur. Another thing to watch for is the inner voice; that little person inside who doesn’t want to make the change. I you don’t have them on side then you are doomed.
The voice I refer to is the one who says, “if I remain fat then I won’t have to fend of unwanted admirers”; “If I don’t stick my head up then it won’t get kicked”. Sometimes we have the strangest of reasons (albeit unconscious) for not making the changes we would (consciously) like to make. Take the time to accommodate these thoughts and objections form your unconscious, for the person who does not honour their unconscious is destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over again.
R ….. is for realistic (within an ecological framework)
It is amazing how many people I have worked with who have totally unrealistic goals. For example, I recently saw someone who wanted to lose 50 kgs in 12 weeks. These things might be possible, but the consequences could be disastrous for your health. It is all about balance and knowing what’s realistic.
In NLP we make a big thing about doing things ecologically. By this I mean you need to consider the consequences of what you do, and the impact it will have on others. It doesn’t mean that you do not go for it, but you do need to weigh it up. Consider those around you and how they will be affected by your goal. If you think they might be harmed in some way,then you are going t ned to do some soul searching. However, we cannot always know what is in the future. Sometimes s..t happens, but if you think things through carefully then this is less likely.
One example I can think of is a recent client, whose partner felt threatened by my client’s weight loss. As long as she was fat he delft secure; once she began losing weight he became insecure - not that he had anything to be insecure about. These are some of the issue s that arise and you need to consider them.
T ….. is for time limit - and make it a 'towards' goal
The very worst thing you can do is a set a goal with an open time frame; it simply won’t happen. So be ruthless and an set a realistic time frame. If you can’t then I suggest you need to go back to the drawing board.
Achieving goals is much more easily done if they are toward goals, as opposed to away from goals. Why? Simple really, we humans are much more motivated when we have a goal to move towards (remember when you were a kid and your mother promised you ice-cream if you ate our veggies).
The real problem of moving away form something is that you have to spend a great deal of your time and energy thinking about what it is you need to move away from. For example, if you plan to stop smoking you will need to think about the act of smoking in order to stop smoking - a double bind if ever I saw one.
... Or, you go on a diet. Diets mean spending time thinking about the food you have to go without. This is not a good idea. Wouldn’t it be better to move towards a new body with lots of energy; trim and sexy?
So, time to hang up the phone - the conversation is over - it is time to ACT.
Of course, if you need support, I am only a phone call away. Remember, 2010 is your year - so go for it!