Words Are Everything
05 12 10
Here is a more simple, day-to-day method that really will make a difference to what you do, how you do it, and how effectively you deal with life's little challenges. First thing to do is spend a day listening to other people. It is amazing what you will learn by doing this.
The next step is to spend a day listening to yourself - especially those moments when you are extolling the virtues of your own short fallings. Once again, you will be simply amazed at what you hear come out of your mouth. My goodness, if someone else said those things about you I'm sure you would defend yourself - wouldn't you?
How often do you hear yourself using words such as: can't, should, shouldn't, but, impossible, or (my favourite) yes ... but. Ask yourself the following question, What is the difference between, I can't help you and I won't help you. Just a bit of difference isn't there? Saying I can't puts the blame - for not helping - on someone or something else; it's not your fault. I won't, on the other hand, puts it fairly and squarely in your lap. Let's put this in an every day context. I can't find the time to exercise. I can't stop eating chocolate. I can't find happiness. I can't do anything right.
What happens if you change the can't to won't in each of these cases? How does that make you feel? How much more empowering is it! Why not try it out for a day. Each time you find yourself using the worked can't change it to won't. Of course I accept there are times when you really, really are can't t do it, or are you just adopting the politician's mantra.
Try the same with the other words we listed above. Words are important, and if you use them more carefully they will reframe most unpleasant or difficult situations into ones that are at least bearable - if not absolutely different.
And just a cheeky reframe to finish on. The following sentence can be reframed in 7 different ways, depending where you place the emphasis. Say each one of them out loud and place the emphasis on the bold word. Notice the difference?
I didn't say your dog bit me.
I didn't say your dog bit me.
I didn't say your dog bit me.
I didn't say your dog bit me.
I didn't say your dog bit me.
I didn't say your dog bit me.
I didn't say your dog bit me.
So, the next time you want someone to understand (and I mean - really understand) what you are saying remember this: it is your responsibility to make yourself understood. So, go out there and be understood.
Thanks for listening (or should that be reading?).
Greg
The next step is to spend a day listening to yourself - especially those moments when you are extolling the virtues of your own short fallings. Once again, you will be simply amazed at what you hear come out of your mouth. My goodness, if someone else said those things about you I'm sure you would defend yourself - wouldn't you?
How often do you hear yourself using words such as: can't, should, shouldn't, but, impossible, or (my favourite) yes ... but. Ask yourself the following question, What is the difference between, I can't help you and I won't help you. Just a bit of difference isn't there? Saying I can't puts the blame - for not helping - on someone or something else; it's not your fault. I won't, on the other hand, puts it fairly and squarely in your lap. Let's put this in an every day context. I can't find the time to exercise. I can't stop eating chocolate. I can't find happiness. I can't do anything right.
What happens if you change the can't to won't in each of these cases? How does that make you feel? How much more empowering is it! Why not try it out for a day. Each time you find yourself using the worked can't change it to won't. Of course I accept there are times when you really, really are can't t do it, or are you just adopting the politician's mantra.
Try the same with the other words we listed above. Words are important, and if you use them more carefully they will reframe most unpleasant or difficult situations into ones that are at least bearable - if not absolutely different.
And just a cheeky reframe to finish on. The following sentence can be reframed in 7 different ways, depending where you place the emphasis. Say each one of them out loud and place the emphasis on the bold word. Notice the difference?
I didn't say your dog bit me.
I didn't say your dog bit me.
I didn't say your dog bit me.
I didn't say your dog bit me.
I didn't say your dog bit me.
I didn't say your dog bit me.
I didn't say your dog bit me.
So, the next time you want someone to understand (and I mean - really understand) what you are saying remember this: it is your responsibility to make yourself understood. So, go out there and be understood.
Thanks for listening (or should that be reading?).
Greg